Cultivating

feminism

The Journey - Femininity and Feminism

This is an open journal about my journey exploring feminism.

9.8.23

Someone on my retreat asked me, “How do you define feminism? Or, what does it mean to you?”

When I told her, “It depends, why?”

She replied, “Because what if I told you my definition is a woman who stays home, cares for her family, and believes in traditional gender roles? But my friend thinks it is about fighting for equality and women’s rights.”

“Well,” I started. “It really can be both those things, can’t it?”

I don’t believe in one cookie-cutter view on feminism. Just as I don’t think one size fits all with religion, relationships, gender expression, book choices, or any other personal viewpoint or choice. This isn’t an either/or situation. It’s a yes/and.

Yes, feminism can be one thing to someone AND it can be something entirely different to another. The fundamental thing is that a person can express femininity in any way they want. Still, all must be provided with the same opportunity to express themselves and the support to do so. That is feminism at its core. That support and opportunity. And that’s where I think most fall short (not this person at the retreat. We had a lovely discussion about feminism). Feminism isn’t about an ideal, a particular value, or a specific way of thinking. Feminism is supporting, valuing, and celebrating half of ALL humanity.

Femininity is complementary to masculinity. There are feminine and masculine characteristics to anything. Just as there is light and dark. But most things are not all light or all dark; most are somewhere in the middle. No one person or thing is all feminine or masculine. We are all made from this spectrum of characteristics, traits, roles, wants, needs, and desires. Feminism is the idea that both masculine and feminine are valued equally. That one can be anywhere on that spectrum in between and still be celebrated and valued. It has little to do with gender, sexuality, race, or religion.

At its core, feminism strives to support and value each person's soul. We are all connected by love and should look at and respect each other as one. We cannot have all one or the other or we lose the connection.

Feminism is critical because our society has traditionally valued masculinity more or what we should strive to be. So, if that is what we center, it creates a disconnect and imbalance. We can’t shift everyone to one side or even the other. Both ends of this spectrum have beautiful and necessary traits, strengths, and reasons. But all must be honored and cherished for our world to evolve, improve, and prosper.

How we honor and cherish is tricky. Because we can’t just lift the binary ends of the spectrum, nor could we just support the middle. We have to look at it as a whole. We have to see who on the spectrum needs more support and protection. It’s a balancing act and maybe a bit of wishful thinking on my part, but it is not an ideal that we are all incapable of doing.

It begins simply by loving one another. If something confuses or scares you about a part of that spectrum, maybe that part near the middle or even some part you’ve never known. First, remember that anywhere on this spectrum, a person/people exists and should be allowed to do so. Start by looking for someone in that unknown part of the spectrum. Then look for your connection with that person, with their soul. Because I guarantee it is there. Be curious about this person, listen to what they share, and learn from them. Don’t change, don’t judge, don’t hurt, don’t pry. Let them be seen and heard. In the end, if you still have confusion, you don’t have to do anything. You can return to your part of the spectrum and let that soul move on and thrive. Pretty simple.

In the end, we are all made of love. We are all one. There is room for us all to be valued and loved. And we can celebrate the full spectrum of humanity. Feminism made simple.